Imagine your child demanding you buy them something not good for them or you cannot afford just because it's the new flex in town, will you give in to the pressure or will you explain to them why it's not right and say No??
The most scariest part of parenting is shifting of power from being the ultimate decision maker to listening to what your child wants. Mostly when a child is below 5 years, the parent is the ultimate decision maker. However, when a child gets to around the age of 10, they start to assert themselves and show the parent that they are different from them (which is true).
The reason why you see your 9 or 10 year old asserting themselves is because they are spending more time with their peers. The peers' families might be living a different kind of lifestyle. The child can also understand most of the things happening around them as their cognitive development is almost that of a teenager. There are those children who are ready to assert themselves whether it causes conflict or not. This is the stage that the child starts to go against your principles. Giving in to all your child's demands is not helping. You're just escaping a conflict by covering a problem that will escalate to a wound in the long run.
The question is ; How do you stand your ground as a parent and remain loving to the child??
1. Be firm but understanding. Standing your ground as a parent does not need to look like it's dictatorship to your child. It should be a process of showing the child that you understand their frustration but stick to your No. Let them know that your refusal is based on the love you have for them. (For instance, if your 10 year old wants a personal smart phone like one of his friends and you believe it is not the right time for them and you don't have the resources to afford it. Tell them you understand they feel bad and are worried because their friends have it. But let them know that families are different that is why in your house it remains to be No. Because you believe it's not the right time and there is no resources to afford the same.)
2. Never be afraid or guilty to say No.
Getting used to disappointment is a necessary part of growing up. When a child knows that they cannot get what they always feel they need is a way of strengthening their self esteem. You might think that giving in to all your child's unrealistic demands is a way of making them happy. However , you're teaching them that happiness is out of material possessions and getting everything they please. How will they survive in adulthood when no one gives them what they want? Be assertive and don't feel guilty as long as it's in the best interest of the child.
3. Be flexible on the small stuff.
Not all times a parent should dictate what their children do. Some of the requests we deny our children are not in any way harmful to them but you have a different opinion about them. So don't always say no when it wouldn't even make sense to the child as you cannot explain it. Be flexible on the small stuff but let them know you're not okay with it. Let them choose the outfit to wear without you dictating. Let them hang out with friends they like but point out those you believe are a bad influence based on some facts that you show them. They're actually exploring and experimenting. Before you know it, they will like something different.
You're the parent. When a time comes to stand your ground,. Do it unapologetically. Let children know that life is not all about YES. Don't just let your child come home late because you want to make them happy. Don't buy everything they want because you want them to love you or to enjoy everything you never had a chance to enjoy. When it is reasonable, Say No to their demands. If you give in to all their demands, you will raise an entitled child who can't handle disappointment. What will happen when they fail in interviews? What will happen when they work in high pressure corporations? How will they handle organizations rules and regulations when they grew up making the rules in your house?
Be loving, caring and emotionally available but stand your ground when necessary. Say No but make sure you explain it in a loving way. Don't yell and don't beat up the child when you're disappointing them.
#joyinsights
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