How parents kill the confidence of their children unknowingly.

Those of us born in the 80s and 90s, are familiar with the kind of uniform our parents would buy for us. Girls would be bought a very big long dress and the boys a very long and baggy short. The argument by the parents was that the child would "grow into it"😂.  Y'all know how embarrassing those big clothes were. 

Now I was a victim of the same when I was joining form one. I went to the uniform shop accompanied by my brother. At the shop, I fitted the skirts there. One of the skirts was exactly my size. I loved it. However, I was told that the skirt is too tight so the shopkeeper had to look for a bigger size. Then boom, I was given a bigger size. It was paid for and I was told that it is the best for me. I went home that day downhearted. 

On the admission day, I prayed for the earth to swallow me, I felt so embarrassed with that big skirt. As you walk it would make some funny noise 😭. I kept looking at other girls' skirts and how fitting they were. Only a few had such big sizes. I felt so bad that I was supposed to handle the questions from my former primary school classmates who thought I would not end up in a local day school but a national school and still handle the embarrassment of some making fun of my big skirt. I preferred to be sited most of the time so that I don't have to walk around in that big skirt. 

I waited for the weekend and since I had some money, I secretly went to a tailor not so far from our home and had the skirt reduced to my size. I knew no one would notice any change as I used to go to school very early and after school I would come direct to the house and remove the uniform. I was now more confident walking. I was even comfortable to lead with some hymnals in the assembly. 

Now using that analogy, sometimes parents kill the confidence of their children without knowing and think they are doing the best for them. Children ain't robots. They are humans who deserve to be heard if one wants to raise healthy confident kids. 

So how do parents kill the confidence of their children? 

1. Comparing their children to others when trying to make them change. You might find a parent telling their kid that they are failing at something that their friends can comfortably do. This kills the confidence of a child and they grow thinking that others are better than them hence might keep on comparing themselves to others whom they think are better than them. 

2. Trying to achieve your failed dreams through your children. This is something that I have heard people my age complain about. They did courses that their parents forced them to. A parent may have wanted to be a doctor and since they were never taken to school, they decide they will compensate by forcing their child to be the doctor. In real sense, that child has a different kind of dream different from what the parents want. The child is deprived confidence as they believe that their opinion and dreams don't matter and they have to live pleasing their parents. (If you feel you failed at something... Just go back to school and be whatever you wanted to be and let your child follow their dreams.)

3.  Forcing them to do something they do not want to. Here am not talking about being permissive of disobedience or  not following rules. There are instances where a parent forces their child to be taken a photo, visit a particular relative they don't like, join the debating club when the child is talented in athletics, wear a certain clothing... Such like scenarios. It is good to listen to what a child wants and why they do not want to engage in a particular activity. If a child does not want to do something and it has nothing to do with bad behavior, let them be. It helps them feel you believe in them and you trust their decisions. 

4. Trying to do things that your child can do on their own. As much as you might be running out of patience, let your child do the things they are capable of doing on their own. They might be slow especially the young ones but it builds their confidence. The child learns not to depend on you. 

5. Speaking for them. There is a certain age that a child should be allowed to speak for themselves. You don't have to be your child's voice all along. Let them speak for themselves in situations they feel uncomfortable.  (For instance, if your child needs to be absent from school for a reason, if they're old enough, let them go and explain themselves to the teacher why they want to be absent.) Being the voice of your child throughout their development makes them more dependent and less confident. 

The world we are living in is cruel especially with cyber bullying being the order of the day among teens and youths. We need emotionally healthy kids to handle such cruelty. To raise emotionally healthy kids, we have to make sure that their confidence is never killed. Let kids know they can make sound decisions, let them know they can be their own voice in uncomfortable situations, let them know they don't have to be dependent. Let them know the parents believe in them. 

Let's raise an emotionally healthy generation.

#joyinsights