Triangulation

 

Do you use your child to pass a message to their other parent?

When parents are in conflict and have children, the children might get involved. It is not a wonder to find a couple in a  heated argument when the children are there watching them. 

Other conflicts directly affects children. For instance, when one parent comes home drunk to attack the other parent and disrupts the peace of the children. Other instances one parent physically beats the other parent as the children watch. We have also heard of cases where a parent forces children to beat their other parent. 

When such conflicts happen, children become involved in the conflictual interactions of their parents. 

The children might take sides, distract parents, carry messages from one parent to the other with the aim of minimizing conflicts. This is what is referred to as TRIANGULATION. It means that a 'triangle' is needed so that the relationship between the two parents stabilizes. 

Triangulation is a dysfunctional family set up for it harms the children. The children are exposed to trauma or Adverse Childhood experiences (ACEs) which will affect them in adulthood. The children are also parentified as they take up adult roles of mediating their parents' conflicts instead of being children. 

It is important for parents to solve their conflicts away from their children. If they need a third party to help them solve their issues, let it not be their children. 

Let's protect our children's mental health for a better tomorrow. Psychologically healthy children will have a healthy future for themselves and eventually a healthy society to live in. 

© Joyce Mwai

Author/ Coach/ Teenagers Mentor