Does your child sometimes come home from school very irritable? They do not even want to talk to anybody? Sometimes even mean and rude to adults? When you ask how school was, they just give a one word response or fail to respond at all?
Your child is not ill-mannered. They're going through what is called After-school restraint collapse. This is an intense emotional and behavioural outburst that happens when a child comes home from school. It occurs after the child has spent the whole day in school following the strict structured schedules. The child is overwhelmed from the strict rules but they have to mask their emotions while in the school setting.
When the child gets home where they feel safe, they release all the pent-up exhaustion. Now this is where they exhibit emotional meltdown and behavioural outbursts as they are experiencing restraint collapse.
The signs of collapse that the child may show are; Yelling, screaming, crying, being bossy, rude, complaining of a headache or tummy ache, refusing to talk or shutting down.
Why does this happen?
This happens because the child's brain is tired from focusing on maintaining good behaviour in school all day. Their nervous system is also worn out as a result of keeping up with the busy school schedule.
When the child reaches home, they feel it is a safe space to release and trust that the parent will accept them with their outbursts. They feel they don't have to hold it together anymore.
How can the parent help?
1. Allow quite time. Do not force the child to speak if you notice they're not willing to. Give them like 10 to 15 minutes of quiet time. Then you can engage them later. This gives them an opportunity to let their brain rest.
2. Give them a snack. Sometimes their energy is low and a giving them food and water would raise their spirit.
3. Reduce the strict routine. The child is experiencing collapse due to the strict rules in school. Extending a routine at home immediately only makes them more irritable. Give them sometime to rest before they start their after school routine.
4. Bond with them in the morning before they go to school. Make their mornings fun so they can be looking forward to coming back to that fun. Hug and kiss them before they leave.
Remember, when a child melts down in your presence, it means they trust you as their safe space. You should feel honoured and not worried when they do that.
©️ Joyce Mwai
