Teenage self identity issues are real!
So, it happens I was raised in SDA church (still am). One of the good things about the church is the age appropriate classes for children. The most enjoyable class is the class between 10 to 15 years (pathfinder). Now, it so happened that I had a small body when growing up compared to some of my agemates. Now in church, when one would attain 16 years, they would be promoted to be youths. Now unfortunately for me, by the time I was 15 and 16, I was still small. I could not physically fit to be a youth. Now, those whom we were with in pathfinder and we were exactly the same age, got promoted to youth class.. I could not be promoted because apparently I was small.
Now this became one of my worst nightmares about the church. We found ourselves somehow growing apart with those agemates in church since am still in a children class and they are busy with youth activities. At this point to say the truth, I started hating my body size, I felt inadequate and hated the church. I would feel so bad on Friday knowing the following day is a church day. I am in form one, two but I have to go the same class with 10 year olds. "You can imagine how painful that is for a teen" being left out due to something you can't control!! I tried to get a way around it by trying to be late in church so that I can find Sabbath school classes over and just listen the main service ( I couldn't get myself watching my agemates in the right place and me having to put up with "children"). I wished never to step in church again and wait until I was big. That wasn't so possible because how can you miss church in an SDA family? (Anyway 🤪 It was about time I guess I became bigger at 17😊).
Looking at this scenario, there is a teenager who is struggling to know her identity. She is being defined by her body size. She is being discriminated for it. Is it her fault that she has a small body? Ofcourse no. Her self esteem is attacked. Now imagine what some teenagers go through in some schools especially boarding schools where they can't report issues daily to their parents.
Children are unique... You might have a child who has a uniqueness that might become the subject of bullying or discrimination among thier peers. They might bee too short, too tall, too thin or plum. It's not their fault. But their peers don't care! Bullying is real in some schools. Not all of them have high levels of discipline. Other students are bullied due to their language (shrubbing due to mother tongue interference). You are bullied because you pronounce words wrongly because of where you're brought up! You end up never even speaking freely or answering questions to escape the shame. And so many other reasons that might expose a teenager to low self esteem. When it comes to self identity issues and self esteem, no teenager is strong!! They are at the development stage of knowing who they are!! Their identity is greatly impacted by peers. Unless someone is closely guiding them positively, their identity might be shaped by what peers say about them.
The point is, if a school going teen tells you they never want to go back to their school,. Take time to know why? Remember this is not a day School you see them everyday (If they're in boarding schools). Their self esteem might be attacked day and night for three months. They are hating themselves. If no one listens to them and says that they must go back to the school because fees is paid, what would prevent that child to run away from home? What wouldn't make them think of ending their life ( some misconduct teenagers do to each other are extreme for a teenager to handle). (Even the few who commit suicide, you hear parents saying they had strongly refused to go back to school and no one listened but forced them back)
Listening does not mean the child should be transferred to a new school. It will help the parents know how to help their child! If they are bullied for their physical looks, they need the parents to reassure them they are beautiful the way they are and what the friends say does not define them! Listening will also help the parent handle issues with the school administration if such intervention is necessary. Maybe a transfer can only work when a case is extreme and might affect their performance. The issue is, if a teenager says they hate a particular social setting. Be curious to know. Sit down and listen!
Let's be on the lookout! Let's know how our teens are fairing! It's the most demanding Stage.
P.S. (That photo was taken in 2012. Guess I was already big)
#joyinsights
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