When we were growing up, there's a method that adults used when a child accidentally fell or hurt themselves. When a child would fall, you would hear the parent or the adult around tell another "Do not look at the child so that he/she does not cry" . You would find a parent completely ignore a child who have hurt their knee or any part of the body just because they are trying to refrain the child from crying. How inhuman is this!!
When a child is hurt, the first thing they look for is comfort from the immediate caregiver. The child is communicating a message that "I have hurt myself and I need you to tell me that am gonna be okay" . The child is looking for attention and assurance that it is just an accident and they are going to heal.
However, the parents of the time and before decided that the best thing is to ignore a hurting child so that they don't cry. What is wrong with crying when hurt? Why should a child refrain their emotions while they are hurting? If the child falls and cries, that is the natural thing to do. The adult then comes in to comfort the child and they're reassured and will naturally stop crying.
When a child is hurt accidentally, the natural thing to do as a parent is to let them know you acknowledge they're hurt. Tell the child "sorry you hurt yourself." Then reassure the child they will be okay. You can tell the child, "rest for sometime the pain will subside." Enquire to know how much they are hurt. Ask "where does it hurt?" It shows the child you're emotionally available for them.
What happens when you constantly ignore your child's genuine pain? You are raising a child who will become emotionally unavailable. Emotionally unavailable people have difficulties expressing their own emotions or handling other people's emotions.
Emotionally unavailable people invalidate the feelings of others. They feel other people are being too emotional or sensitive to non issues. However, people's feelings are valid. Everyone has a right to feel what they are supposed to be feeling at a particular time.
Emotionally unavailable people won't realize when they are hurting others. It is not their fault. Their pain was ignored as they were growing up.
Let's embrace attending to our children's pain. When your child's falls, trips, or is in a slight accident, you should be the first to tell them "sorry". Do not ignore a child who is hurting If you want to raise an emotionally healthy child.
© Joyce Mwai
Writer/ Parenting Coach/ Teenagers Mentor
No comments:
Post a Comment