So we see the kinds of judgement on social media or in our localities on young women who get married to or date extremely older men especially married ones. We call them home wreckers, gold diggers, side chicks, prostitutes and all demeaning names.
Mostly those women say that the older men are caring, understanding and are good providers. They say they cannot leave them because they feel safe with the men. Even when some of the men are married and have to keep the relationship a secret.
As much as we would want to insult these women for dating older married men, we need to understand that there's a psychological explanation of that behavior. These women are wounded.
These women are struggling with DADDY ISSUES. They're suffering from a FATHER WOUND. Most of the campus girls who date sponsors and women who are comfortable being side chicks to married men to a point of having children for them, Lacked a father's love growing up. They either grew up without a father or father figure present, Grew up with an abusive father, or grew up with a present but emotionally unavailable father, grew up with an irresponsible father like an alcoholic who Left all responsibility to the mother.
A father is the first and the longest Love a daughter will have. It is through the father that a girl knows how to relate with men. A father needs to provide care, support and unconditional love to a daughter. This makes a girl to grow with high self esteem and confidence.
A girl who has grown with a loving father would not dare stay in a relationship with a man who does not respect her. She already knows how a good man behaves. She already knows how a man should love her.
However, if a girl grows with an extremely abusive father, an emotionally abusive father, a father who left all responsibility to the mother, The girl will grow up looking for a father in every man she dates.
She yearns for a father's love so she expects the men she date to act like a father to her. She wants a man to provide for her, care for her, take her out, support her (All which needed to come from her father growing up). She will therefore settle for unavailable men who to her seems like a father figure just because they provide (married men, abusers, emotionally unavailable) thinking that they will care for her. The sad thing is that she is attracting what is familiar.
If she dares get into a relationship with her agemates her daddy issues will always bring problems to the relationship. She is looking for a father while the man is looking for a companion.
So if you're a father of daughters, be in their lives so that they don't go looking for A Father in men she date. Because she will only end up with a man exactly like you. Being there for your child is not just living with them and paying school fees... It's being emotionally available for them. Whether you're married to their mother or not.
Women allow your daughters to have father figures if their father is not available.
Fathers with teenage daughters... Show them support and unconditional love. Take your daughters out. Surprise your daughter in College with a box of Pizza and KFC. Take your daughters out on weekends. Bring them presents on their birthdays. Show up anytime she is showcasing her talent, support her and let them know you'll always be there even when they fail. (Why would she need a Sponsor when you're actively in her life?).
For Fathers who were alienated from your daughters when they were young by the mothers. Even if the girls are grown and in college. Look for them. Start building a relationship no matter how bad they were told you were. Girls have a soft spot for their dads. She will a accept you.
If you're a woman having daddy issues and you keep attracting men who are unavailable or abusive like your father. Heal. Reparent. Work on yourself and don't get into a relationship without healing first.
Let our daughters grow to healthy women. Women who can relate with men in a healthy way. Not women who are looking for something (that her father should have provided in childhood) in a man.
#joyinsights
#intentionalparenting
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