REPARENTING

So I got th request to talk about what people who are already affected by being raised by wounded parents and have carried their childhood traumas in their adulthood can do. 

On this, the first thing to note is that acknowledging you have childhood wounds does not in any way involve blaming your parents. Those parents had their own struggles and they raised you from their level of awareness. They could not have done better. That's all they knew. So don't go blaming your parents they are the reason you behave the way you do because of their parenting style. You can't Heal when you're blaming others. 

Were you physically abused growing up? Were you verbally abused? Were you compared with your peers? Were you neglected emotionally? Were you made the parent to your siblings? Were you yelled at throughout your childhood? Were your parents controlling and dictatorial? Were you denied any voice of your own? Did you witness your parents verbally and physically abusing each other? Did one of your parents neglect you totally?  

All these experiences traumatized and wounded you but you never stopped growing. So how did you cope? You developed unhealthy coping mechanisms that are affecting you as an adult. The worst part is that you are using your wounded self to raise children whom you're unconsciously bleeding on (for the parents). However, there is hope. There is no need of getting defensive and say your life was programmed as a child so you can't change it. This is where Reparenting comes in. 

Reparenting is the process of giving yourself what you did not receive as a child. It is like assuming the position of you as a child and becoming a parent to yourself. My coach once told me is like "getting inside my 5year old self or that 15 year teen self and parent yourself by giving yourself what you never received that  is important for your heathy emotional growth" Return to your childhood, begin again and give yourself what you need as a child. 

What does that tell you? Reparenting is a 100% personal responsibility. You are giving the wounded inner child all the care, love, affection, dignity, respect that you never received as a child. 

So how do you start the process? Start by aknowledging that there is something deeply wrong with you stemming from your childhood. Then start doing all the work. For instance, If you were compared as a child and developed low self esteem and a feeling you're not good enough, you can start giving yourself positive affirmations like (I am beautiful, I am good at this, I can be successful in that business) If you were constantly  abused and never appreciated and became a people pleaser to be loved by others, start putting boundaries and saying No to situations you feel uncomfortable. 

You are conciouslly unlearning and reprogramming your mind from the familiar ways that you were raised in as they are unhealthy to you and your children ( if you're a parent) 

This is not an easy process . It takes time but it works wonders. What is needed is discipline, self-care and intentionallity. Nothing can work if you ain't intentional. 

When you're reparenting yourself, it will be very easy for you to raise emotionally healthy kids (If you're a parent) as you will apply those parenting skills you're giving yourself. For instance ( if you were raised by physically and verbally abusive parents, you're reprogramming that although that's what is familiar to you, it is unhealthy and therefore you can never practice it on your kids). 

You parent from an awareness level. Remember I say, you can't give from an empty well. HEAL and your kids will receive an overflow. 

Again, consider professional help. Seek the services of a Transformational  life coach ( they're so good in guiding through reparenting) or a therapist. 

We all have our inner child wounded in one way or another. Do not lie to your self. Start reparenting. 

#joyinsights