Understanding the mother Wound

 

Àre you a fixer, rescuer or an enabler? You have a MOTHER WOUND. 

We have seen people who constantly complain that their family is draining them financially. You will see a person who earns good money But all the money goes to paying school fees for their siblings, giving parents money even when they're not in need, taking their drunkard siblings to rehab, bailing a relative out of jail... This person does all this while they're struggling to meet their own needs. They would rather take loans or sleep hungry but would not let a relative be responsible for their lives. These people feel obligated to care and nurture others. Do you know This is a mother wound?? 

How do people develop mother wounds?

✔️ Raised by an abusive/toxic mother

✔️Raised by an emotionally unhealthy mother ( a mother who was always looking for emotional help from the kids. Maybe she had an unstable relationship with the husband)

✔️ The child was forcefully alienated from the mother ( we have seen men who deny kids an opportunity to be with their mother after separation or divorce). 

✔️ The mother abandoned the child. ( We have seen women who literally abandon their kids and never look back)

✔️ The mother passed on and there was no mother figure to take the place of the dead mother.

✔️Raised in a group home where caregivers have too many children under their care. 

How does the MOTHER WOUND manifest in adulthood? 

1. Inability to set boundaries. You cannot say No without feeling guilty. You always let people abuse your space as you feel obligated to help them.

2. Codependency in relationships. This is relationship addiction. You feel you cannot detach from a relationship Even when it's unhealthy for you. You persevere abusive relationship because you Never want to feel abandoned. 

3. Insecurity with physical appearance and low self-esteem. When you were not loved as a child, it is normal to question your looks. You unconsciously feel you're not good enough that's why your mother Never loved you. 

4. Your romantic relationships never flourish. You grow up feeling you don't deserve love since your primary caregiver never cared for you. You have accepted you're unlovable so you question the motives of anyone who tries to love you. If you're a man, you find it hard to trust women because your mother abandoned you.

5. You Care too much about giving your best. You become a rescuer, a fixer and an enabler. You feel you need to fix all the problems in the world. You're trying to compensate for the love you never received from your mother and you believe there is something you can do to get Loved. 

6. Inability to regulate your emotions in healthy ways. We all have days we feel low. A person with a mother wound might numb Their pain through addictions, unhealthy sexual behaviors, aggression, self harming, suicidal ideations. No mother introduced them to healthy ways of dealing with emotions. 

7. Fear of abandonment. This manifests by being codependent. You can't feel complete while alone... You depend on other people to make you feel complete.

8. Fear of displeasing your mother. You're an adult but you cannot make a decision without running it through your mother to avoid making her angry. You feel guilty when your mother does not approve of something. 

9. Self criticism and lack of self trust.  If you Grew up with a mother who constantly criticized you, compared you, verbally and physically abused you, always put you down showing you you're not good enough, you grow up Never to trust yourself. You critize yourself and self sabotage all your decisions. 

10. You have a Rocky relationship with your mother. You feel intense hatred towards your mother. You blame her for all the suffering you went through as a child. You cannot stand to be in the same place with your mother. You feel you can never forgive her. You're suffering from a mother wound. 

© Joyce Mwai

Writer/ Teenage mentor/ Trainer & Speaker