Toxic masculinity

 

How gendered parenting might lead to toxic masculinity. 

Some months back, there was this phrase that was going all over social media and so many people would marvel on it "Kwani Mimi ni mwanamke" . A man would say for instance, "Nilie nikisuprisiwa Kwani Mimi ni mwanamke?"  "Nioshe nyumba Kwani Mimi ni mwanamke?" And so many other things I would see people type and make fun about. Men would associate all soft things and feelings to women and show how tough they are as softness is for women. The joke was not only sexist but also showed how much toxic masculinity is rooted in our society. 

Toxic masculinity is when being masculine is associated with control and need to dominate others or the image of being a man becomes harmful to the men and the society. Toxic masculinity is passed to the children who observe and taught distorted ways how men are supposed to behave. Those who pass toxic masculinity to children believe that they're are teaching them to be men while they're in real sense exposing them to toxic behaviors. This mostly happens when gendered parenting is overused instead of focusing on individual capabilities of a child. 

So which are these toxic masculinity behaviors? 

1. Enduring hardship without expressing feelings or asking for help. Men are constantly told that they should be physically tough, independent and self reliant. If a man dares to be vulnerable, they're ridiculed. This is toxic as every person should express feelings whether happy or sad. It is okay for every person to ask for help. What is wrong by a man crying when they lose a loved one? What is wrong when a man asks for help when depressed? Let's teach our boys that their feelings matter and should be expressed. 

2. Being dominant. Some men believe that men should dominate in every sphere of the society. This causes power struggles in different relationships. Some men find it hard reporting to a female boss. Other find it hard coping with a more educated woman as a wife or one who earns more money than them. This is toxic. Boys should learn that every person has the ability to succeed despite their gender and not every person should agree with them. 

3. Normalizing promiscuity. Men are typically praised by other men for sexual conquests. A man will be respected for the many women he has as wives. In a marriage, when a man cheats, the society says it's okay using quotes like "Men are naturally polygamous" It rains everywhere" However , when a woman cheats, the same men with multiple partners call her a "slut, hoe " . What are we teaching our boys? Dishonesty and promiscuity is masculine. Boys need to learn that honesty and respecting women's body are virtues they should cherish. 

4. Violence and aggression. Sometimes you see men using violence and aggression to prove that they are men. Violence gives such men confidence as they feel they have marked their masculine identify. This is just a toxic way of proving to be man. Infact violence is an act of cowardice. Boys need to learn that violence is wrong and illegal. They don't need to fight to be men. 

5. Sexual aggression. Men who believe are superior than women are more likely to make sexist jokes about women. We have seen those derogatory terms men use about women's genitals. Toxic masculinity can also lead to sexual harassment or rape when a man feels they have power over women's bodies. 

6. Irresponsible in self-care and caregiving practices. Child bearing and domestic work have been traditionally seen as women duties. This makes men normalize that their houses should be unkempt. That it is okay for a man to have dirty dishes and dirty house. Some men also find it hard to care for others like change diapers or help around the house. Personal hygiene should be upheld by every individual. (thanks to CBC boys are being taught on housework and caregiving). Boys need to learn that being tidy is not a feminine quality and they are not justified to forego housework to women. 

We need to raise a generation of boys who will become responsible men in all aspects of life. This is only possible by keeping off passing any toxic masculinity behaviors. Boys need to learn they are human beings with feelings and bottling up emotions is weakness and not strength. They need to know that all human beings deserve respect whether male or female. 

Let's save our boys from toxic masculinity! 

#joyinsights