Children don't Know Hate. They're Taught

 Did you know that HATE and resentment do not come naturally in children? Hate has to be taught. A child has to be taught how to hate a particular person, group of people or even a place. 

Have you ever observed the behavior of infants? They smile at everybody. They become toddlers and you will see a toddler playing with the passenger next to them in a Matatu. You will see a toddler smiling to people in church. Or even laughing with the cashier at the supermarket. Smiling to strangers in the streets. What does that tell you?  love is the emotion that Comes naturally to children. 

Even when someone wrongs a child, they develop fear towards them. Not hate. They fear people who hurt them. Because fear as a defense mechanism to danger comes naturally. 

So, how then do we find that children have started hating people? You will see a child with deep resentment of a neighbor's child. Someone must have taught them to hate that family. 

Think about those cousins you don't talk to. Cousins whom you never interacted with growing up as you were told never to talk to that family by your parents. You have no idea why your parents don't get along with their siblings. So you were taught to hate them and bought the enmity. You resented them. For no reason. 

Now, when lovers break up and they have children. The one with the children decides one of their parenting responsibility is to teach their children how to hate their other parent. 

You describe your ex lover with the most unconventional words, you call him/her a deadbeat, a dog, you say he was knocked by a lorry, dead. And you say all these to your child. You want to teach them how to hate. 

Just because you're giving them food and paying their school fees alone. Like who else should be doing it?? Did the child ask you to give birth to them? Did the child ask you to fall in love with the wrong person? Now after you realize your mistake, You're alone with the children, you want to teach them how to hate the absent parent. A person they have never seen. And if they had been raised by the parent for some years before you broke up, they loved that parent. Then one day because the parent left and abandoned their responsibility you try to teach them how to hate him/her. 

That's not your responsibility. Let children figure it out by themselves. How hard is it to tell your children you have no idea where their mom/dad is but he might show up for them one day? And even if he never shows up for them, they should be assured of your 100 percent love and care. You will have reduced feelings of rejection and at the same time you have not taught them how to hate. Hate is a vice. It's better to teach them hope rather than hate. 

As you tell your kids never to talk to their other parent. Never to look for him/her. Know that you're teaching them hate. You're the one who was in love and broke up, not the children. Why do you want them to buy your enemy? And by the way, how do you keep a person you cuddled naked and exchanged fluids as an enemy?? You really need to invest in healing or even professional help to move on. Because some level of resentment can take you to an early grave. 

In countries where there's racism , racist parents teach their children to hate people based on their skin color. But if the child is not taught how to hate, they won't even see color. They will just see a friend whose complexion is different. 

Think deeply when you're teaching your children how to hate their other parent. Just because he/she does not provide. Think when you're teaching children how to hate some relatives. Just because you fought for family land. Think deeply as you teach your children how to hate a particular tribe. Just because of political affiliations. 

If someone hurt you and abandoned their responsibility, heal and move on. Provide with a cheerful spirit. And don't recruit children to hate the person. 

Think deeply parents. 

Children don't know how to hate. They're taught. 

© JOYCE MWAI

Writer/Teenagers Mentor/Parenting Coach

How we are Incubating Decadence with Vulgar music

 

"Niko na pesa na ni ya babako. Kaskie vibaya uko kwenu" ..... "Sisi ni walevi, tunapenda kulewa".

 These are the kind of jams that rule the public transport industry when students are traveling to or from school. Some Matatus have even upgraded they have screens that showcase those jams. The students are entertained by some nyash endowed ladies who vixen those jams naked. 

During this short school holiday, I have been forced to listen to these jams as teens were around and they would blast their houses when parents leave. That's how I have been able to know about these vulgar jams that are very appealing to our teens. 

I somehow decided to really internalize the messages of these vulgar popular jams. I have realized there's nothing like talent in them. 

Just a person with audacity to be vulgar getting to a studio. Then a multimedia university graduate adds some beats and Voila , we call someone an artist. The vulgar fellow masquerading as an artist gains more popularity when they use the best cameras that show the shiny nyash of the vixens. Slimy nyash that looks like they can slide a blind fly trying to pass by. 

As a literature scholar. There's a lot that makes up works of art. Which i really don't find in some of these jams we have glorified as a society. 

I have also realized that the vulgar jams kill any slight opportunity for real talent to trend. A talented musician with a heavenly voice will release a song. We won't even like leave alone subscribing to their channel. 

Wait until a vulgar jam is out. 2 million views in 24 hours. 

I have watched America got talent and Britain got talent and have witnessed real talent. Artists with great voices that move the audience to tears. Without using some ear blasting beats. Just voice and well composed music genres. 

No wonder so many African talented youngsters wish to find their Way to the likes of America's got talent. Their talent can be appreciated there. But not here. Here, we glorify unconventional and vulgar language. 

Then entertain our teens with these vulgar jams that teach them very unconventional lessons. When we glorify a song that glorifies promiscuity, what are we telling these teens?? 

That all girls need to do is to pass through school not to care about education because someone's father will sponsor their lifestyle. That our boys should grow up to be wababas. That girls should only Focus on growing nyash because it will make them trend. 

I have nothing against these content creators who create vulgar music. It's a capitalist economy. They have studied the market and have realized vulgar music will give them views. Then they will earn. Big brands will hire them to market their products. What would make such a creator not to keep creating vulgar music?? It's paying. Because us the target audience will consume immediately. 

It's a business and everyone is free to make money the best way they know how. It's a Free market economy. We own the means of production. And learning the market trends is what makes a business person successful. 

My concern is about children as usual. Five year olds have the audacity to tell parents sipangwingwi because a jam has taught them that. you will see a five year old coming from a schools fun day and the music that was being played in that school was "sisi ni walevi" seriously? Even pre schools?? 

So as parents, there's a saying that goes , by beholding you become changed. Your child is sorounded by these vulgar productions. In the apartments, public transport, school fun days. Even in supermarkets , amusement parks. Literally everywhere. Don't you think these jams will change your child?? 

How are we guiding children who have already memorized they are "walevi" . How do you teach them about drug abuse?? How do you teach them about relationships when they have memorized "wako sawa na wababa mtu akaskie vibaya nahuko" 

Parents are you really taking time to discuss with your kids about these vulgar productions?? Because they will continue being produced. There's nothing we can do as a society. The artists are paying tax with these productions. So the parent has all the responsibility to guide their children. 

Before you get excited as a parent that your kid can dance to a popular jam, think about the message they have internalized. Then guide them accordingly. 

Otherwise , our children and teens will continue surprising us. 

Think about it parents. 

© Joyce Mwai

Writer/ Teenagers Mentor/ Parenting Coach