1. Understand that breaking the cycle of Dysfunctionality is a personal Journey. Now that you understand what Dysfunctional and toxic family is, don't go asking everyone in your family that they're in a toxic home. Don't start telling your siblings your parents are toxic. It's a personal Journey you're taking.
2. Get used to the idea of disappointing people. If your toxic family was used to demanding things or money from you even when you're struggling, Normalize saying NO and don't feel guilty about it.
3. Allow people to make their own decisions. If you were behaving like the family's deputy parent, let your siblings make their decisions. Whether good or bad. Don't tell people what they should do. Stop obsessing about other people's problems. Focus on what is within your control.
4. Set emotional boundaries. Stop reacting and start responding. If your family member says something to get into your nerves. Refrain from reacting and respond when you're calm. When you start with calmness, you can decide what requires your response and what does not.
5. Distance yourself from the toxic environment. You can't end the cycle of Dysfunctionality while you're still crossing paths with the toxic people all the time. The codependent relationships created in toxic families go deep like drug addiction. So to succeed in detaching, you have to avoid your triggers. (Your triggers are the toxic parents or siblings)
6. Establish a new support system. Family ain't blood. Invest in friendships who will make up your healthy family support system. Remember " Friends are the family that we choose"
7. Keep learning about Dysfunctionality in families. Keep educating yourself about Dysfunctional families and how to cope with them. Read books, articles, follow pages that focus on the issue and keep learning.
8. Let others know how to treat you. Let people know your boundaries. If you set your boundaries, others will know how to treat you.
9. Prioritize Self care. Normalize making yourself a priority. Stop feeling guilty when you do something nice for yourself because your toxic mother/father/siblings will complain. Identity what you need and give it to yourself.
10. Seek professional intervention. Normalize investing in therapy. Sometimes Dysfunctionality is deep rooted and you can't get out of it on your own. Just like drug addiction, you might find yourself relapsing and getting back to the toxicity. Therapists will help you detach.
Detaching from Dysfunctionality does not mean hate. It means you understand there's an unhealthy pattern you were raised in and you wish to break that cycle. When you detach, you become a healthy adult who will raise emotionally healthy children.
© Joyce Mwai
Writer/ Teenage mentor/ Trainer
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