When you see an adult with issues, It all stems from childhood. The abuse and neglect you experienced in childhood caused you trauma that you need to deal with. So which are the effects of growing up in a Dysfunctional family that show up in adulthood??
1. Trust issues. You grew up without trusting your parents as they Raised you in abuse and neglect. Always fighting with your siblings during family gatherings. So you find it hard to trust other people as the only people who would have cared for you were never trustworthy.
2. Low self-esteem. Unhealthy families thrive in putting one another down. You grew up with a toxic parent who always told you how ugly you are ..how useless you are... A parent who kept comparing you with other children. You developed feelings of being unworthy and unimportant.
3. Pathological lying. Have you ever met people who lie without even blinking?? Lying is a defense mechanism which children develop to cover up their actions to escape their parents punishment. Children Raised by extremely dictatorial and violent parents learn how to lie to escape being beaten. Other parents ask their children to lie about something against the other parent or another child. The child learns how to lie and it goes with them to adulthood.
4. Inability to express emotions or feelings. Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents makes a child to learn how to bury emotions. If you grew up with a parent who beat you for crying or told you that "men don't cry" and never comforted you while you were sad. You will be an adult who has difficulty expressing emotions as you bottle them up.
5. Increased risk of anxiety and depression. An adult who grew up in Dysfunctionality has a higher risk of depression compared to one raised in a healthy home. Failing to express emotions can lead to depression. Trust issues and fear of abandonment might increase your chances of always being anxious.
6. Increased risk of drugs and alcohol abuse. Drug addiction stems from childhood. Drugs help people numb the feelings and trauma caused in childhood. Inability to face some situations leads a person to drug abuse.
7. Aggressive behavior and violence . If you grew up with extremely violent parents who used to fight each other every night. Who beat you every day to a point of almost, dying you're more likely to be aggressive towards other people. You're socialized to using physical violence to solve every person who wrongs you.
8. Inability to set boundaries. Boundaries are alien in Dysfunctional homes. The same way you will find it hard to keep your boundaries.
9. People pleasing. If you grew up in a home where parents always put you down. The only way you survived was pleasing them so that they love you, you will find yourself pleasing people looking for their approval.
10. Difficulty maintaining healthy romantic relationships. In psychology we say, you attract what is familiar. So you keep attracting people who are toxic like your parents. You see a healthy partner as a threat since you have never been loved right growing up. You attract chaos as that is what is familiar with you.
11. High possibility of having your own Dysfunctional family. Picture this, you grow up with violent parents, you attract a violent spouse... You raise children watching you beat each other in marriage. The children will learn that Dysfunctionality .
Dysfunctionality runs from one generation to the next, until one person in that lineage identifies it and makes a conscious decision to break the cycle. If you grew up in unhealthy family patterns.. make a decision to detach and work towards becoming a healthy individual For you and your future generations.
© Joyce Mwai
Writer/ Teenager Mentor/ Parenting Coach
