When I was in nursery school. ( I guess this is one of the memories that got registered in my long term memory such that I can remember It as an adult), I had this privilege of eating more than three meals in a day. I am the last born. Guess that was a lastborn privilege. So after lunch, some food would be spared for me to eat at around 4 or 5 pm. This was not a privilege my older siblings got to enjoy.
One afternoon,my father was working on something in the farm with the help of my elder sister. I was just there just doing nothing. So I told them I feel hungry so they should give me my food. My father sent my sister to go, open the kitchen and give me food that had been left for me. I followed her.
Getting to the kitchen, just before she could open the door, I started crying. Crying at the top of my voice so that my father could hear. I guess I just wanted to get his attention. Then I told my sister not to dare touch my food because she wants to eat it. I told her I wanted to be served by my brother. (I had this favorite brother growing up who would even chew food for me when I was younger 😆). Here I am threatening my sister (she is only 3 years older than me, the second last) not to touch my food.
May father came and asked what was happening... I was there shouting saying I want my brother to serve me and not my sister. That brother was not around at the moment. I said I will not eat the food at all if am not served by my brother.
Wueh... My father got angry. He told my sister to put the food back and lock the kitchen. Then my father said since that day, there will be nothing like 4pm food.... I will be waiting for the night meal like everyone else. He said "nîkûnana aranana" ( I was getting spoiled). And he left. I guess that rule held water for a short time.😆 by the time I was in class one I was able to look for food in all corners of the house 🤣. Again, I never dared refuse food because of whoever was serving me even if it was not my mother or favorite brother. I wouldn't risk to be told I will eat one meal a day🤣🤣🤣
When I think about this punishment now, I see there is a close relationship with my mistake. I had become entitled to a point of seeing food is nothing. My father did not beat me. But enforced a related consequence for my bad behavior. It worked.
As parents, how many times do we beat up children for their mistakes while there is a direct consequence for their bad behavior? Your child fails an exam, you beat them, they fail to do homework, you beat them, they pour food on the floor, you beat them! Where is the relationship between these mistakes and beating them?
The brain of children cannot connect the relationship between mistakes and physical pain. That is why spanking makes them defiant and very resistant. Because they cannot establish beating as a consequence of a mistake like pouring food. If a child pours food and messes the house, why don't you tell them to clean it up by themselves? That's a direct consequence to their mistake.
Kids get disciplined when they can make a relationship between what you're teaching them and the punishment you give when they fail to follow.
Punishment should fit the bad behavior.
#joyinsights
#intentionalparenting
No comments:
Post a Comment