Your child might come and tell you they have a boy/girl friend. Or maybe they have a husband or wife in school.
Well, their understanding of those terms is totally different from yours. However , you should not let them keep exploring the meaning on their own. You have to be there to teach them about love and relationships. A child who is above 3 years can understand love. Considering you constantly keep telling them you love them. They might also start saying it back. Your child can say , "I love you mummy, I love you daddy". The elephant in the room is however talking about romantic love that leads people to relationships like marriage.
So, how do you teach children about Romantic Love and relationships?
1. First ask them what they know about boyfriend/girlfriend or marriage. This would give you an idea of how much they might have heard out there or in school. The ideal is that children learn about relationships from parents and not peers. So be proactive.
2. Explain to them what it means to love someone. Tell them when you love someone you deeply care about them, you take care of them and you're committed to keeping them safe. Let them know that loving someone is caring for them as much as you care for yourself. It also means that you are willing to sacrifice for them.
3. Tell them the real meaning of having a boyfriend or girlfriend. Children use these terms without understanding the meaning. Explain to them when they grow older they might like someone of the opposite sex. They would deeply care about the person and want to spend time with them. If the person is willing to be their friend, they become boyfriend and girlfriend.
4. Explain to them what marriage is and how it happens. They already know what love is, they already know what a girlfriend and boyfriend is. Now introduce marriage. Tell them marriage happens between two adults. Adults who start by feeling they deeply care about each other. They ask them out and they become boyfriend and girlfriend. Then that relationship might grow and they feel they cannot live without each other. They become fiancees. Then they decide to live together (marriage). The title changes to husband/wife. It is here that you can tell them that marriage can bring forth children.
5. Use yourself as an example. Tell your child where you met your spouse (college, work, in a Matatu, in church, social media, dating apps and so on). Show them your wedding photos or video. Show them your photos when you were dating your spouse. That way , they will learn better about relationships and marriage. They will also know they happen between adults and not children. So they won't allow anyone to call them husband/wife. (This is also applicable to single parents. Talk about how you met their other parent, how much you loved each other until you had a baby. But explain to them sometimes adults can fall out of love. This is where you tell them you're single and you might find a boyfriend/girlfriend. This would lay a better ground for them if you ever fall in love again and get married again)
Remember , all this information you give based on age. How you explain to a 4 Year old is different from explaining to a 7 year old. However, they all deserve the right information.
Never dismiss, freak out or get angry if your child comes to you that they have a boyfriend/girlfriend. It is actually the perfect starting point to educate them about relationships and marriage.
All the best parents
© Joyce Mwai
Writer/ Teenagers Mentor/ Parenting Coach
